Hmmm..

finally a blog of my own...iam a little apprehensive apart from being conscious writing my first blog...having used instant messengers for the better part of my life, there's an eerie feeling of the presence of an audience at the other side of this text box. i must also confess i feel a little claustrophobic navigating my words through this box...my earlier attempts at recording my thoughts involved the unrestrictive charm of pencil and paper... it is a much more appealing and animated medium than the internet can ever hope to be...sample for instance the freedom to stray to the corners and sketch doodles... to shoot off at an obtuse angle on a whim...to stop to smell the pages (tasting them wouldn't exactly be weird either)...dissatisfied by the contents roll the paper into a ball and throw it out of the window(or if suitably dissatisfied make a rocket out of it so as to land it much farther from your consciousness)...rage at the contents could even justify tearing them into shreds or better still burning them to dust. clicking the delete button somehow seems to pale in comparison.
That said i'm sure this medium has a few tricks up it's sleeve too. i've been noticing how it's induced me to use those conspicuous little dots thrice in succesion ever so often. although i fail to comprehend exactly what they could possibly constitute, i do feel a certain vibe with them like they're there for a reason and indicate a vague in definition but certain in feel punctuation. i'm going to call them thought punctuations. And just as with the flow of thoughts i can't really assign a rule to them...so they shall stay and appear as and when they will themselves to.
Each passing sentence i feel an urge to apologise to the apparent audience for the path this monologue(or would this be a soliloquy?) is taking, probably out of an innate desire to churn out something that would appeal to them. The desire to please is a disease cultivated in mankind part by family and most by society, and i've seen it assume plague-like proportions in myself. Perhaps that's my reason for being here...i would like to fight it...take refuge here...use this platform to just speak and not be heard...to be heard and not be judged...and for those of you still on the page...thanks but you really didn't have to...